The Second Guide.
Zoological Gardens Employee Handbook.
We offer an excellent package of employee benefits. Ten times base pay rate for overtime, A large amount of annual leave, and full insurance coverage for all employees. We hope that you will do your best in return, to ensure your own safety, by following this handbook. Life is precious, and only comes to us once, so, for the sake of your family, please protect yourself, and study these rules.
a. If you see an escaped rabbit by the path, Do not attempt to approach or catch the animal yourself. Instead, lead them to the Lion Den, and allow the white lions to do their part.
b. Ape Avenue has a single path through it’s displays. If a guest reports seeing two paths, and exhibits including rabbits, Lead them out of the exhibit using the left hand path and close the Ape Avenue entrance. Once all guests have left the exhibit, cordon Ape Avenue off for a minimum of ten minutes.
c. While inspecting the Elephant Enclosure, If you notice that the elephant you are observing does not match the image of an elephant on the enclosure sign, avert your eyes from the animal, and repeat to yourself that Elephants are supposed to look like the one on the sign, not like the one in the enclosure.
d. Employees stationed at Drinks Kiosks should check the shelves hourly for anything labelled “Rabbit’s Blood”. Any product thus labelled should be removed immediately and stored appropriately.
e. The Shrubbery surrounding the Rabbit Garden should be trimmed every other month to reduce excess shade.
f. There is no Oceanarium in the Zoological Gardens. If a colleague mentions the presence of an Oceanarium, or tries to suggest it exists, cease all communication immediately. That person is no longer the colleague that you knew.
g. If you see the Oceanarium, do not enter. Tell yourself you have not seen the Oceanarium, and leave.
h. The feeding schedule for the rabbits is once every 7 days. Do not feed them any snacks, or anything other than the prescribed foodstuffs.
i. If you hear laughter whilst at the Rabbit Garden, that cannot be identified as coming from one of the guests, detach the last page of the employee handbook along the perforated line, and holding it tightly, head to the Elephant Enclosure, and throw into the enclosure’s grassed area. Other staff will be aware of the situation, and will not chastise you for littering.
j. If A guest approaches you, claiming to have become separated from his party, or otherwise having broken the visitors code of conduct, Immediately lead them to the Lion Den. The staff in that exhibit will know how to process the guest. You may during these incidents encounter colleagues in black overalls who try to engage with you. Do not acknowledge them. These are not your colleagues.
k. We have a total of four white lions. If you suddenly see more than four white lions. Brandish the ‘Rabbits Blood’ at them, and pour it out over the first white lion that rushes you, and leave immediately. Do not seek out additional lions.
l. Do not hoard/organise/stock/use rabbit themed toys or apparel. Do not touch any Rabbit paraphanalia that appear in the zoological gardens. If a guest attempt to buy a rabbit themed item, enquire and confirm the recipient is under the age of 18, otherwise do not complete the transaction.
J. If you spot a person wearing Rabbit paraphanalia enter the Elephant Enclosure, and are unable to stop them, immediately disperse any guests in the vicinity and cordon the entrance until you hear children screaming inside the exhibit.
k. Tinitus/ a tightness in the chest/ migrane/ redness of the eyes for a period within five minutes is normal, and is no cause for concern. If these symptoms persist for longer than ten minutes, stop your work, and head to the Lion Den as quickly, and by any route, possible.
l. Act in a friendly manner to the white lions. There is no need to be defensive around these creatures whilst there are only four of them. They have been hand reared from birth to be comfortable in human company.If you are unfortunate enough to be attacked by a white lion during their normal state, without immediately dying, disregard handbook rules f and g. There is no need to seek hospital attention, as you will not die. Instead, enter the Oceanarium, which you will find quickly. Do not be alarmed that you are now wearing black overalls.
